Friday, August 27, 2004

Memo to PM: Trim your eyebrows for the youth vote!



You win a free atom! It will be sent to you via Swazilands-newimproved-ExpressPostTelexSystem. Have fun with your Particles of Sub Atomic Particles (PASAP). Dont forget to give the kiddies a go, theyre more excited about it than you!

From: dan@p…
Subject: Policy question
Date: 27 August 2004 16:04:08 GMT+10:00

Hi Johnny,

I support your policy of spam. I think there should be more of it. Could you please send me some more spam.
I think the fact you’re paying your son to further the spam cause, and the mighty Libs, is an ingenius killing of two birds with one stone.

Let me know anything I can do to help the cause of spam. Perhaps a new organisation ‘Spammers For A Comfortable Life.’

Yours Sincerely,


Ps. Say hi to the queen for me.
Pps. Good luck in the polls!
Ppps. I know a good hairdresser I can recommend.
Pppps. Have you tried spam with cranberry jam? I recommend it!

OK kids, finally its come - this deep boil of a red-hot flash of confusion

Yes, its the way people introduce themselves on things like blogging, ICQ, matchmaking

Its the general UNINTERESTINGNESS of what they choose to say about themselves

For instance, "sport, art, cooking, walking". What????? This is what I would call banal & non-descriptive. But so many insist on it.. solidarity comrades with boringness. Fight for the right to be apathetic

I believe its some general activist thing. These are people who are so incensed with interestingness, that they meet in underground newly-renovated glass walled & polished timber floor rooms with north facing bedrooms overlooking spacious city-views, and decide:
"Right, there is too much of this bike riding & public transport taking" {hear, hear}
"That is why I ask that all 400,000 of you at this meeting to rise in anger, invest in a car & insist on packing the roads bumper to bumper every morning & evening, just to show them" {yes!}
"Also, dont be interesting, be normal" {yes}

At this point all half-a-million people in this stadium filed out, all with a ragey-look on their faces, all scrunched up

Out they flowed onto the street, shouting slogans & throwing their fist in the air
"Get real jobs, please oh just do it, a REAL job" " white CEO males are the most oppressed in society, liberate them by giving them $20million payouts" "demand Reality TV domination" "never look at your issues, just project onto others & die of heart failure in 30 years" "help multinationals sell more goods by supporting advertising, watch TV for the ads & pray to God™ that these companies exist, help them to help themselves by helping landfill"

Seagulls were flying everywhere, pidgeons bolted away from their fish & chips feasts, as the hordes of wrath came tumbling down the streets. Chaos.

But, as usual, there were the anti-social elements, however small, which splintered off & surrounded any person drinking lattés
Here is an exerpt from the heated arguements that ensued. An exclusive right here on TahiniCam™™™™™™™™™™

Protestor: "You elite power-dominating lattesipper, I demand you cede your power & give it to the oppressed like us!"
Beret-wearer: "But I'm on the Dole, I didnt know I had power!"
Protestor: "You do, they told me you do, so therefore you do. Stop influencing the media & creating bias in this world. Its your fault we are apparently-experiencing-global-warming-dont-listen-to-the-eco-fascists-this-climate-change-is normal-where's-Tuvalu?"
Bereter: "But no one listens to me. I hate the taste of coffee. I just came to get a wheatgrass juice, just enough mind-you for it, at this rate, I'll run out of money on Tuesday"
Protestor: "You make a mockery of our government, who is here for the battlers, that is the poor people with 4WDs. Yeah, taking away the only thing that brings joy to their hearts & giving them lefty-greenie-xtremeskateboards!"
Bereter: "But, sorry, I didnt know that I, well I was just lying on my form, I'm sorry!! I'll tell the truth errrr next time"

It was at this point that a police-person who was rather excessive with lipids around his abdominal region, came running up with his rusted frame 1920s bike, with a baton, a whistle & a Lord Kitchener type moustache, broke up this tense arguement, though he did look a bit roley-poley & kept falling over...

Sorry, as usual, I lost track with what I was saying. Oh no, thats right

When I walk out there into the wide world, who is ready to jump up & down for no good reason? No one! "I like walks on the beach, moonlight dinners, sports, beer"
Lets breakt this down:
- walks on the beach. Why not skinny dipping?
- Moonlight dinners. Why not midnight feasts in the nude?
- sports. Watching them, playing them, which ones? - why not handball the Australian way (in a playground with a tennis ball hitting against the squares & getting out the person in Ace position - oh dear, didnt explain that one well...)
- beer. How bloody typical! Activists for zinc-deprevation more like it ....

So, if I was to take someone out like this, they are unlikely to say anything a bit ***weird*** or different, just "lets go & see a movie". No! Why not play on the swings? Or maybe do some gardening together? or go searching for Hard Rubbish? or heckling comedians? or climbing rooves? (see, I spelledt it correctli) or patting mooses on the h-h-horns? or walking a cat around the block? or counting street signs? or licking things?

Who says this in their introduction? Because they dont want to



WELL, Ive got knews from them. I'm offended!

{"Oh no, I new I would offend someone by putting something & I did, oh dear, better not do anything in case someone gets angry. Its a catch-22!"}


Ah yes, I like ducks. wa!

First Post First Post First Post

Hey everyone!!!!!!!

Now this is so cool, my own weblog. Alright, enough of the self-congratulatoryness - my life, my brain.

For all youse persons who say "what goes on inside my brain", well I have good news

Subjective studies* in laboratories conducted on 1,200,000 bedbugs split equally into 3 groups all around 2 weeks old over 3 month period in white walled laboratories only have proven now that my brain is a hive of weird activity & strange connections between things that arent usually connected. Thanx to international backpackers, our drought of bedbugs is now well & truly over. Hooray for Hollywood

There you go! Science & its proper research methods have backed up my own personal findings that I think outside of the box

Now that I have credibility behind what I say, here goes:


I am missing life outside this bedroom! Seriously, this flu is up to Day 10 & continuing. The full on thing is the lack of energy in my bones. No idea when this will end, but I am now getting immune to feeling embarrassed about cancelling things.
Shows how life is very very very very very organised down to every hour.

But at least I have had a lot of time to do things that have nothing to do with massage. Yep, sit on the Internet!

... listen to Radio National & other ABC outlets (if Julie McCrossin was my mum, Kerry O'Brien was my dad, Phillip Adams was one of my uncles - well, Xmas gettogethers would be pretty lively)

... look up every 6 hours just to see if he's written a new blog

... back to

then realising that I am lacking in other interesting places to go on the Internet

Being sicko-sicko is an interesting place to be.

Is anyone going to Benny's standup gig on Saturday?



• all the things happening that I hear about I will paste up on this site
• all the things that happen to me which are hilarious (which, when I think about it, are a lot)
• all the things that I see in the news which seem to stream from the mouths of Alexander Downer, John Howard, Dub-ya, Ross Cameron (the 'I'm a Christian & an adulterer), George Brandis (the Greens are Nazi's guy) - and if I can stand it - Piers Akerman. Very funny
• good news on the front of consciousness, altnerative energy, intentional communities, public transport, yayness and anything else like this
• confest world
• massage
• massage
• massage
• reiki
• massage
yep, a bit of that in my life
• stupid jokes & strange images that pop into my head

Whats more, its all amazing!

Cheers, love, light & lots of broccoli

* ibid, pp454, 654-657 et al, JYTR, Washington, Uzbekistan - Hypothesis "To prove that Eric thinks outside of the box"